No news

Miranda rang yesterday and spoke to Glen. Alas, the first thing she said was that there’s no news at all. She was ringing to ask about a gay couple who have contacted our local authority and said that we knew them. As it happens, it was the gay couple we met last week, who are having trouble with their local authority and making enquiries with other local authorities just in case.

Miranda said she’d like to visit us in two or three weeks’ time, when the work in the house is done. That way she can have a look at the loft conversion. Maybe she’ll have something to report then?

Meeting more gay prospective adopters

As I have mentioned here before, we have made an effort to meet gay adopters in our area. We met the only couple who were approved by our local authority before us a few months ago, and we’ve also got to know S&J, another local couple who adopted last year. A few weeks ago we were approached by another local couple and after a few failed attempts to meet, they finally came over for pizza last night. Before they arrived (while we tried desperately to make the house look half decent in the middle of all the construction going on) I was thinking about how a few months ago we were the ones getting in touch with people who were ahead of us in the process to share experiences and ask questions and now we are being contacted by people who aren’t yet approved. They are in the middle of their home study and having some issues with their social worker (like most people seem to...). We talked about many of the issues that I’ve discussed here: the process, social workers, ages, boys or girls, support... They are nearly 10 years younger than us. I was quite surprised and in a way quite envious that they are embarking on their adoption process at that age. I wish we had been able to. But of course 10 years ago it wasn’t legally possible and in our minds it was no more than a “wouldn’t it be nice if...”.

Anyhow, we are very keen on setting up a support network of gay adopters around us, and it’s always nice to meet like-minded people so it was very nice to get to know another gay couple on the adoption boat. In a way it’s all a bit forced, isn’t it? Just because we are gay and want to adopt doesn’t mean that we’ll have much more in common, but so far we have got on well with the other couples we have met. J and his son (S couldn’t make it) were supposed to join us last night but the little one got into trouble at school and it was early bed for him. We’ve got this to look forward to... : )

Meeting our fellow adopters’ daughter

Yesterday afternoon we went to see R (she and her husband A were in the prep groups with us and were matched on the day we were approved) and met their baby daughter. A has just grudgingly returned to work after his paternity leave so he wasn’t there. Their baby seems to have really settled in their home and R only had eyes for her. It’s amazing how quickly she’s become a mum! She is already attuned to her daughter’s different ways of expressing herself and is clearly head over heels. We both played with the baby for a while and she was really responsive. I expected her to start crying the moment we picked her up but she was happy to play with Glen for a good 10 minutes before she started reaching for mum and then when it was my turn to hold her she also was quite contented even when her mum left the room to sort out her food. It’s really heart-warming and encouraging to see such a successful match.

The Daily Mail vs Gay Adoption in 2009: Round 3

A letter from the Press Complaints Commission arrived in the post yesterday. Glen wrote to them following their anti-gay adoption articles in early April arguing that the Daily Mail had implied that the children in question had been taken away from their mother for the purpose of being placed with a gay couple. They wrote to explain that they had assessed Glen’s complaint and decided that there was no breach of the Code of Practice. Apparently they think it’s regrettable that the distinction between the processes of removing and placing a child had not been made clearer, but they didn’t think that what the Daily Mail had printed was likely to mislead its readers. Glen was furious, but accepted the decision.

With perfect timing, this afternoon we saw the articles in today’s Daily Mail. Now they have taken offence at the fact that The Pink Guide to Adoption (published by BAAF) refers to people who are against gay adoption as “retarded homophobes”. Needless to say, they must feel alluded to. Once again, there’s an article and a commentary. And once again, the worst thing of all is the comments that their readers (you know, the ones who aren’t being misled according to the Press Complaints Commission) have left.

The article

The comment from the Daily Mail

In fairness, the words in the BAAF book are unfortunate and probably borne of frustration. But the Daily Mail’s response of referring to the BAAF as “The Adoption Nazis” surely is worse than being called a retarded homophobe?

BBC 3 Counties radio had a slot about the issue this afternoon. Simon, a gay adopter who appeared on the programme, did a very good job of providing a positive angle on the story.

Listen here (for a limited time only). The interview starts around minute 36.

Have a little patience

I emailed Miranda and mentioned the sibling group we’d spotted in one of the adoption magazines. She agreed that they “look like a possibility” but added that they are still hoping to match us with a child from the local authority and therefore we “will have to be patient a little longer”. Of course this sent us into a frenzy of trying to second guess what she means and read between lines. Is she just saying that we need to be patient because we’re still tied to them for another two months and that's all? Or is she doing some work towards a match that she can’t tell us about yet? It’s probably the former, but we can’t help wondering whether it's the latter.

House update, New Family Social, and childspotting

I know I’ve not been as prolific as usual with updates to this blog. Work is busy and the loft conversion is in full swing, which at this moment means we have no roof, no heating, and no hot water (but we’ve had an electric shower installed so no, we don’t stink or anything). Our bedroom is so cold (and has a structure smack in the middle of it propping the ceiling) that we’re sleeping on an inflatable mattress in the living room, where we can put the gas fire on. Oh, and add to it, this morning I was woken up by the dripping of a water leak from the roof. Still, we’ll have more room when it’s all done, which is the whole point. And I’m sure we’ll laugh about it when it’s all done, although at the moment living in a cold house covered in dust, sleeping on an uncomfortable mattress, and being woken up by the builders hammering on the roof is taking its toll on my sense of humour and tolerance...

Last Sunday we met S, J & C for lunch and caught up with them, and then headed over together to the New Family Social get-together. We caught up with a few people we’d met before and also met some new people, which was nice. There were some good news from a couple who are going to matching panel soon and also some shared frustrations among those waiting to be matched.

Last week we also received new issues of Children Who Wait and Be My Parent, the two main publications which feature children who are available for adoption. Be My Parent has several features this month on same-sex adoption, as well as an article on New Family Social, so it was nice to see positive features to counteract the Daily Mail articles of late (although of course the readership is quite different in type and numbers). One of the publications had details of a sibling group we could be interested in. We really shouldn’t be “childspotting” in the magazines as we’re still tied to our local authority for another two months, but we talked about it, read the details a few times, and have decided to contact Miranda anyway to see what she says.

Adoption programmes on Channel 4

Channel 4 here in the UK is doing a series of programmes within their Britain’s Forgotten Children strand. Yesterday they showed “Lost in Care”, a Dispatches special by Rageh Omaar which looked into the different situations of children in care (whether in foster care, kinship care, or in institutions). It was followed by the first of three programmes looking at couples wanting to give children a home, called “Find me a Family”. The following programmes are today (Tuesday) and tomorrow. Wednesday’s programme will be about a gay couple. If you missed “Lost in Care” it’s repeated early on Friday morning, and “Find me a Family” is repeated on More4. Or you can catch them on their online catch-up service if you are in the UK. Check the information on the link above.

Anticlimax

I’ve sort of been struggling with what to do about this blog. Just before panel it got to the point where I was doing almost daily updates with so much happening and now that we’ve been approved everything’s stopped and there isn’t a lot to report. I suppose I should continue to post my thoughts and report anything that happens to reflect the different nature of the adoption process at this stage, but it’s such an anticlimax at the moment. From all the excitement and nerves of a month ago we moved on to the congratulatory messages and celebrations and now everything’s died down and it’s strange not to have an interview scheduled, a piece of “homework” to prepare, or much at all to report.

Glen and I continue with our voluntary work at beavers and the school respectively and there are still a couple of books to read. I have been meaning to write up reviews of the books we have read so far, so I may do that soon.

It was our second wedding anniversary yesterday so we went out to dinner to celebrate. It was another of those moments when we wondered whether this time next year we’ll be celebrating the anniversary with more members in our little family!