Adoption programmes on Channel 4

Channel 4 here in the UK is doing a series of programmes within their Britain’s Forgotten Children strand. Yesterday they showed “Lost in Care”, a Dispatches special by Rageh Omaar which looked into the different situations of children in care (whether in foster care, kinship care, or in institutions). It was followed by the first of three programmes looking at couples wanting to give children a home, called “Find me a Family”. The following programmes are today (Tuesday) and tomorrow. Wednesday’s programme will be about a gay couple. If you missed “Lost in Care” it’s repeated early on Friday morning, and “Find me a Family” is repeated on More4. Or you can catch them on their online catch-up service if you are in the UK. Check the information on the link above.

In defence of family values

I’ve been meaning to post this picture for a while. Not long ago, I was walking down the street in my hometown in Spain when I saw this small poster stuck to an advertising display.

For the non Spanish-speaking, the poster says: “Who are these people?” “No. I want a normal family.” Then the web address of the National Alliance and their slogan “Defending the family”. The National Alliance, you might have guessed, are a fascist, racist, homophobic political party.

So yes, Spain may have same-sex marriage and allow gay adoption, but it also has a political party that actually spends money producing these images and sticking them to our walls for everyone to see. Alas we’re not their only target. In fact anyone who isn’t white, catholic, and born in Spain is a target for them. Thankfully they are a minority and as far as I know have never won any seats in any local or national elections.

Why is it so difficult to adopt a child in Britain?

Last Thursday, the day before our panel, the Times ran a feature on adoption in their Times 2 section. The front page of the supplement carried the headline "Why is it so difficult to adopt a child in Britain"?

One of the couples they mention who successfully adopted is a gay couple. I was a bit puzzled by the quote from one of the gay adopters, who says being gay may have helped their process “only because gay couples know immediately that they can't have children, so they don't waste time trying to conceive naturally - which means that they are often a better age to adopt and so come higher up the list.”

Whilst it's great that adoption by a same-sex couple is presented as a successful story and without any sensationalism, I think that the logic behind that statement is flawed: age is only one factor in the matching process and many gay people trying to adopt may be the same age as many heterosexual adopters who have "wasted time" trying to conceive (in fact one of the straight couples in our preparation groups were in their 20s). To say that being gay made getting a child easier is probably inaccurate (based on what our SW has told us, the literature on gay adoption, and on the experiences of some of the people we have talked to) and in a way negative, as it's the kind of thing that the Daily Mail and their like perceive as gay men and lesbians being given special treatment or prioritised.

The full article is here.

The Daily Mail continue their hate campaign against gay adoption

They’re at it again:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1167209/Family-11th-hour-legal-battle-halt-brothers-adoption-gay-couple.html

The fact that they make it seem like taking away a child is a decision that is related to who will eventually look after that child would be funny if it wasn’t so serious. Their readers actually believe what these people write.

We both read the article and it just got us down. I already hated the Daily Mail. Today I hate them even more because they’ve spoilt the wonderful weekend we were having. I feel so sorry for the couple concerned. They’ve been matched with those children and this time should be exciting and memorable for them. Instead, one of the most memorable moments of their life is being ruined by this fascist “newspaper”.

The wisdom of Mma Ramotswe / sexism in adoption.

While I was on holiday I caught up with a few books I’d been meaning to read for a while. One of them was The Miracle at Speedy Motors, the 9th volume in the Number 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency series by Alexander McCall-Smith. The main character, Mma Ramotswe, adopted two orphans, and in one chapter the boy she adopted is struggling with his identity and with the fact that he is adopted. After reassuring him, she realises that she has now come to the point where she considers herself his mother and thinks: “We could all be a mother, all of us; even a man could be a mother.”

I just liked the line when I read it and thought I’d share it. Even though the line itself is not about gay adoption, the implication of saying that a man could be a mother is that a man can do just as good a job as a woman in raising children. I have discussed before how many people’s prejudices about gay men adopting are not necessarily about the gay bit (although there are plenty who have a problem with that), but about men in general adopting. I have personally never encountered among my friends and acquaintances anyone who has expressed any reservations about us adopting because of being gay (at least to our faces), but on a couple of occasions people have expressed quite sexist opinions (“a child needs a mum”). I think this is one of those areas where same-sex adoption differs for gay men and lesbians: being raised without a father is acceptable (plenty of single mothers out there to prove the point), but being raised without a mother is perceived as unfair on the children, or at least putting them at a disadvantage.

Newsround... and reality check

The Home Office in Morocco has decided to threaten those publications in the press who defend homosexuality or portray it in a positive light after the magazine Al Michaal published a story about an unofficial gay wedding. Needless to say, homosexuality is criminalised in Morocco. Maybe the Daily Mail should be published there? It’s not like they’re ever going to be accused of portraying homosexuality in a positive light...

The good news is that Venezuela is to legalise gay unions as “asociaciones de convivencia” (cohabitation associations) in a law of gender equality to be passed soon, although there is no word on gay adoption, though.

I think sometimes when some of us have a moan in the New Family Social or Adoption UK forums about a slow adoption process, or encounter homophobia from social workers or authorities we forget just how privileged we are to live in enlightened places where gay adoption is allowed at all. No matter how much we know that we can make good parents and offer a child a loving home, there are many places in the world where that is not an option, and we should count our blessings (even though the system is not perfect).

The Daily Mail campaign against gay adoption continues

Sadly, the Daily Mail continues its hate campaign. On Friday they published an attack on the social worker who’s been dealing with the gay adoption case in Scotland. They claim that the social worker threatened the family with refusing contact.

Link to Daily Mail story about the social worker

It would almost be funny if it wasn’t so sad that – whilst defending a heroin addict – they see fit to mention that the social worker has two children by different fathers. But it didn’t end there. Their columnist Peter Hitchens wrote the following piece in his column about how we “gays” have been shown tolerance and we respond with tyranny. Seriously unhinged stuff here.

Link to the Peter Hitchens column

And to top it all, an anonymous millionaire and the Church of Scotland have decided to support the grandparents in a legal battle against the adoption.

Link to article about millionaire support

Thankfully The Independent showed a more balanced view of the issue, even though they decided to turn the issue of how the Daily Mail had reported the story into a left / right politics issue, which I don’t think was the right angle for the story but makes much nicer reading than anything the Daily Mail has published.

Link to The Independent story

The whole thing has been incredible. Over at the New Family Social online discussion it has generated a wave of emails like nothing I have ever seen before. It’s weird, because Glen and I have been through a rollercoaster of emotions which is very similar to what other members describe. After the initial outrage, there’s been sadness about the case and the consequences it may have for the couple involved (and the children, of course) and also our own situations. People have reported a shift in attitude among co-workers and other people they know. I experienced something similar when I told a colleague of mine and she responded saying that it was normal for people to react like that. I also sent an email about the story to a friend who is a Daily Mail reader and she hasn’t even acknowledged it. After the sadness, though, there’s been some feeling of “what are we doing?”, “could this happen to us too if we are matched?” and even some doubts about whether what we are doing is right for the children. I must acknowledge here the beautiful message that one of the NFS members left reassuring everyone that we are doing the right thing, and highlighting her very positive experience as an adopter. And she is absolutely right, of course. Like I said in a message to the NFS board, in a way the issue of gay adoption and the effect that being adopted by a same-sex couple may have on children is similar to children from different ethnic origin or nationality who grow up in, say, a predominantly white environment. They may get bullied or suffer some sort of discrimination because of it, but it doesn't make them or their parents "guilty" of being from a different ethnic origin or nationality. No, it makes those parents and children part of the variety of that community. Just like those parents will need to prepare their children for the fact that some people out there will dislike them for what they are, we will need to prepare our children
for the fact that some people (Daily Mail readers, it turns out) will
disapprove of their parents (not them).

Anyway, we also heard from Miranda on Friday. She said she’d been working on our report and she’ll be in touch this week. So here’s hoping we have some positive news to report soon!

Daily Mail articles on gay adoption

Nothing like writing that there wasn’t much to report yesterday for all hell to break loose regarding gay adoption. Yesterday, the Daily Mail (for anyone outside the UK it’s a very conservative paper that disguises itself as “family oriented”) published a story (in inimitable style) about how the parents of a heroin addict have not been allowed to adopt their grandchildren and instead they’ve been matched with a gay couple:

Link to the Daily Mail story

Needless to say, the reporting is completely one-sided and of course misses out on why the grandparents haven’t been allowed to adopt, for which I am sure there are very good reasons.

Today it was followed up by this piece:

Link to the Daily Mail follow-up story

In both cases, the worst thing are the comments left by Daily Mail readers, many of whom start their comments with “I’m not a homophobe BUT...” and proceed to leave completely homophobic comments.

The Pink Paper also reported the story today, alas with an altogether different slant:

Link to the Pink Paper report on the same story

And Stonewall have issued a response expressing their deep concern about how the Daily Mail has reported the issue.

Link to Stonewall response

I actually had tears in my eyes when I read the Daily Mail piece. Just when you think that you live in a world that may accept you, it’s heartbreaking to find such homophobia and bigotry.