As I have mentioned here before, we have made an effort to meet gay adopters in our area. We met the only couple who were approved by our local authority before us a few months ago, and we’ve also got to know S&J, another local couple who adopted last year. A few weeks ago we were approached by another local couple and after a few failed attempts to meet, they finally came over for pizza last night. Before they arrived (while we tried desperately to make the house look half decent in the middle of all the construction going on) I was thinking about how a few months ago we were the ones getting in touch with people who were ahead of us in the process to share experiences and ask questions and now we are being contacted by people who aren’t yet approved. They are in the middle of their home study and having some issues with their social worker (like most people seem to...). We talked about many of the issues that I’ve discussed here: the process, social workers, ages, boys or girls, support... They are nearly 10 years younger than us. I was quite surprised and in a way quite envious that they are embarking on their adoption process at that age. I wish we had been able to. But of course 10 years ago it wasn’t legally possible and in our minds it was no more than a “wouldn’t it be nice if...”.
Anyhow, we are very keen on setting up a support network of gay adopters around us, and it’s always nice to meet like-minded people so it was very nice to get to know another gay couple on the adoption boat. In a way it’s all a bit forced, isn’t it? Just because we are gay and want to adopt doesn’t mean that we’ll have much more in common, but so far we have got on well with the other couples we have met. J and his son (S couldn’t make it) were supposed to join us last night but the little one got into trouble at school and it was early bed for him. We’ve got this to look forward to... : )
Showing posts with label meeting adopters. Show all posts
Showing posts with label meeting adopters. Show all posts
Saturday, 23 May 2009
Thursday, 21 May 2009
Meeting our fellow adopters’ daughter
Yesterday afternoon we went to see R (she and her husband A were in the prep groups with us and were matched on the day we were approved) and met their baby daughter. A has just grudgingly returned to work after his paternity leave so he wasn’t there. Their baby seems to have really settled in their home and R only had eyes for her. It’s amazing how quickly she’s become a mum! She is already attuned to her daughter’s different ways of expressing herself and is clearly head over heels. We both played with the baby for a while and she was really responsive. I expected her to start crying the moment we picked her up but she was happy to play with Glen for a good 10 minutes before she started reaching for mum and then when it was my turn to hold her she also was quite contented even when her mum left the room to sort out her food. It’s really heart-warming and encouraging to see such a successful match.
Wednesday, 13 May 2009
House update, New Family Social, and childspotting
I know I’ve not been as prolific as usual with updates to this blog. Work is busy and the loft conversion is in full swing, which at this moment means we have no roof, no heating, and no hot water (but we’ve had an electric shower installed so no, we don’t stink or anything). Our bedroom is so cold (and has a structure smack in the middle of it propping the ceiling) that we’re sleeping on an inflatable mattress in the living room, where we can put the gas fire on. Oh, and add to it, this morning I was woken up by the dripping of a water leak from the roof. Still, we’ll have more room when it’s all done, which is the whole point. And I’m sure we’ll laugh about it when it’s all done, although at the moment living in a cold house covered in dust, sleeping on an uncomfortable mattress, and being woken up by the builders hammering on the roof is taking its toll on my sense of humour and tolerance...
Last Sunday we met S, J & C for lunch and caught up with them, and then headed over together to the New Family Social get-together. We caught up with a few people we’d met before and also met some new people, which was nice. There were some good news from a couple who are going to matching panel soon and also some shared frustrations among those waiting to be matched.
Last week we also received new issues of Children Who Wait and Be My Parent, the two main publications which feature children who are available for adoption. Be My Parent has several features this month on same-sex adoption, as well as an article on New Family Social, so it was nice to see positive features to counteract the Daily Mail articles of late (although of course the readership is quite different in type and numbers). One of the publications had details of a sibling group we could be interested in. We really shouldn’t be “childspotting” in the magazines as we’re still tied to our local authority for another two months, but we talked about it, read the details a few times, and have decided to contact Miranda anyway to see what she says.
Last Sunday we met S, J & C for lunch and caught up with them, and then headed over together to the New Family Social get-together. We caught up with a few people we’d met before and also met some new people, which was nice. There were some good news from a couple who are going to matching panel soon and also some shared frustrations among those waiting to be matched.
Last week we also received new issues of Children Who Wait and Be My Parent, the two main publications which feature children who are available for adoption. Be My Parent has several features this month on same-sex adoption, as well as an article on New Family Social, so it was nice to see positive features to counteract the Daily Mail articles of late (although of course the readership is quite different in type and numbers). One of the publications had details of a sibling group we could be interested in. We really shouldn’t be “childspotting” in the magazines as we’re still tied to our local authority for another two months, but we talked about it, read the details a few times, and have decided to contact Miranda anyway to see what she says.
Wednesday, 22 April 2009
One or two? Boys or girls?
A&O, the only couple to be approved by our local authority before us, came over for coffee yesterday and brought their lovely daughter with them. She has really grown since we last saw them at the December New Family Social event and it was the first time she’s come to our house, so she was going everywhere, being curious about everything in the house. It was such a pleasure to see her pulling out books and playing with everything she could get her hands on.
We caught up with her dads and talked about stuff we’ve all been up to. They asked us whether we were still intending to go for two children and whether we had thought some more about whether we’d prefer the boys or girls. A lot of friends have been asking about this since we were approved. We said that in principle we do still want two. Glen and I hadn’t really talked about it in depth again since panel, so we talked about it after they had gone. We know that many people start with the idea of adopting two children but then decide to start with one, see how that works, and then maybe go for the second one. I can see the point. A child who’s been in the care system requires therapeutic parenting and a lot of time and patience, so most people would agree that one at a time is more than enough. However I we like the idea of having two. Two children growing up together learn to share and to understand others’ needs. They always have someone else to interact with (be it playing or fighting) and I also like the idea of them having someone else at school who will look out for the other. Of course we could adopt one and then another, but if a child is going to have a brother or sister, it may as well be their actual sibling. There is always the possibility that if you adopt one child, their mother may have another one, but that may or may not happen and I don’t really like the idea of hoping that a mother who’s had a child removed has another one just for our benefit. I think we’ll have to play this one by ear. If the right child comes along and there’s only one, we’ll consider him or her and we’re certainly not going to turn a child down just because they haven’t got a sibling.
Regarding the question of whether we’d rather have boys or girls, we are both leaning towards boys at the moment. There’s the fact that most of our friends have boys. And we do feel that we are more familiar with being a boy. But, again, we may change our minds if the right girl comes along or if there’s a brother and a sister that would make a good match. At the end of the day, if we were birth parents we might have a preference but we wouldn’t get a choice, so we’re open to whatever gender our social worker thinks is a good match.
We caught up with her dads and talked about stuff we’ve all been up to. They asked us whether we were still intending to go for two children and whether we had thought some more about whether we’d prefer the boys or girls. A lot of friends have been asking about this since we were approved. We said that in principle we do still want two. Glen and I hadn’t really talked about it in depth again since panel, so we talked about it after they had gone. We know that many people start with the idea of adopting two children but then decide to start with one, see how that works, and then maybe go for the second one. I can see the point. A child who’s been in the care system requires therapeutic parenting and a lot of time and patience, so most people would agree that one at a time is more than enough. However I we like the idea of having two. Two children growing up together learn to share and to understand others’ needs. They always have someone else to interact with (be it playing or fighting) and I also like the idea of them having someone else at school who will look out for the other. Of course we could adopt one and then another, but if a child is going to have a brother or sister, it may as well be their actual sibling. There is always the possibility that if you adopt one child, their mother may have another one, but that may or may not happen and I don’t really like the idea of hoping that a mother who’s had a child removed has another one just for our benefit. I think we’ll have to play this one by ear. If the right child comes along and there’s only one, we’ll consider him or her and we’re certainly not going to turn a child down just because they haven’t got a sibling.
Regarding the question of whether we’d rather have boys or girls, we are both leaning towards boys at the moment. There’s the fact that most of our friends have boys. And we do feel that we are more familiar with being a boy. But, again, we may change our minds if the right girl comes along or if there’s a brother and a sister that would make a good match. At the end of the day, if we were birth parents we might have a preference but we wouldn’t get a choice, so we’re open to whatever gender our social worker thinks is a good match.
Thursday, 16 April 2009
Bits and pieces
Easter was a quiet affair with some friends staying over. On Monday we met up with S&J and their son for a quick walk in a local park and ice cream. Then on Tuesday we took the day off to sort out the junk that has been gathering dust in the garage and finished clearing the loft ready for the extension work to start in a couple of weeks. We have decided that the extension won’t be for a bedroom, but for our home office. We don’t really want to be on a different floor from the other bedrooms, where the kid(s) will be, so our bedroom will remain where it is.
Miranda rang last week to ask for the dates of the loft conversion once we had them confirmed, so I emailed them to her yesterday. When she rang she mentioned that doing the conversion may mean a delay in our family finding and I wasn’t sure what she meant, so I asked her to clarify that. She replied today to explain that if our house had been a building site for a long time or the work wasn’t starting straight away, she would have had to reconsider when to start looking for a match, but since it’s starting soon and should be finished in June, it should be OK.
Yesterday R&A were introduced to their daughter-to-be. They emailed us a picture. She is a very cute little girl and we both went “aaah” when we saw her. They are clearly over the moon. We’ll be seeing them tomorrow for a quick celebratory drink before they bring her home. We are so happy for them. And it’s great to have the experience of someone you know go through the process ahead of you, as they’ll be able to tell us what it’s like when / if we get to that part.
Miranda rang last week to ask for the dates of the loft conversion once we had them confirmed, so I emailed them to her yesterday. When she rang she mentioned that doing the conversion may mean a delay in our family finding and I wasn’t sure what she meant, so I asked her to clarify that. She replied today to explain that if our house had been a building site for a long time or the work wasn’t starting straight away, she would have had to reconsider when to start looking for a match, but since it’s starting soon and should be finished in June, it should be OK.
Yesterday R&A were introduced to their daughter-to-be. They emailed us a picture. She is a very cute little girl and we both went “aaah” when we saw her. They are clearly over the moon. We’ll be seeing them tomorrow for a quick celebratory drink before they bring her home. We are so happy for them. And it’s great to have the experience of someone you know go through the process ahead of you, as they’ll be able to tell us what it’s like when / if we get to that part.
Monday, 23 March 2009
Dinner with adopters and goodbye to one of "my" schoolchildren
Last Saturday S&J, the gay couple who live near us and we met at the New Family Social meeting in December (I mentioned them in a previous post), came over for dinner with their 6-year-old son. We had a great time and their son was very well behaved, curious, chatty, polite, and also a bit cheeky. They are a real inspiration to us and have clearly worked very hard to get to where they are with their son. They remind us that this thing we want to do is possible, which sometimes we need to be reminded about.
Today I went back to volunteering at the school after a few weeks away. The kids welcomed me as if I’d been missing for ages, and we had a great time making origami models. One of the boys is leaving the country soon and today was his last day at school, so it was a bit sad as well. It’s funny how attached I’ve got to the kids after 10 months or so. The group I see most is the top class, which means that they won’t be around for the next school year as they leave to go to “proper” school, and I will really miss them. I wish I could post a picture of them for everyone to see. Put together they look like a 90s Benetton advert, as each of them is a different colour, and they are the cutest bunch you could ever meet. If only I could get them to pronounce my name properly...
Today I went back to volunteering at the school after a few weeks away. The kids welcomed me as if I’d been missing for ages, and we had a great time making origami models. One of the boys is leaving the country soon and today was his last day at school, so it was a bit sad as well. It’s funny how attached I’ve got to the kids after 10 months or so. The group I see most is the top class, which means that they won’t be around for the next school year as they leave to go to “proper” school, and I will really miss them. I wish I could post a picture of them for everyone to see. Put together they look like a 90s Benetton advert, as each of them is a different colour, and they are the cutest bunch you could ever meet. If only I could get them to pronounce my name properly...
Monday, 19 January 2009
A lovely visit
Today was the day we were supposed to finalise our home study. We had an email from Miranda apologising again for the delay, and thanking us for some information updates we sent her, but still no date for our rescheduled interviews.
I went to the school today for the first time since late December (the past couple of weeks I could not take the time off) and had a great time playing with the kids. I was with the 5 year olds today and they were learning about hearing (the theme for this term is the five senses), so we played games that included recognising different sounds.
At the weekend we met up with S&J, two guys we met at the New Family Social who adopted a boy last year and live near us. They invited us round for coffee and we chatted about the adoption process and everything they went through. Their son is a very sociable chatty boy who was very happy to talk to us, show us his toys and even the book that S&J had made for him just before they were introduced. We went to their local pub for lunch and chatted some more. They must have answered a thousand questions for us. They've not had any issues at school (with the other kids or their parents) with their son having two dads, which is something that has always worried us. Their son has really settled with them now and it's a pleasure to see them together as they make a great family. After such a disappointing start to the weekend last Friday, it was great to spend the afternoon with them.
I went to the school today for the first time since late December (the past couple of weeks I could not take the time off) and had a great time playing with the kids. I was with the 5 year olds today and they were learning about hearing (the theme for this term is the five senses), so we played games that included recognising different sounds.
At the weekend we met up with S&J, two guys we met at the New Family Social who adopted a boy last year and live near us. They invited us round for coffee and we chatted about the adoption process and everything they went through. Their son is a very sociable chatty boy who was very happy to talk to us, show us his toys and even the book that S&J had made for him just before they were introduced. We went to their local pub for lunch and chatted some more. They must have answered a thousand questions for us. They've not had any issues at school (with the other kids or their parents) with their son having two dads, which is something that has always worried us. Their son has really settled with them now and it's a pleasure to see them together as they make a great family. After such a disappointing start to the weekend last Friday, it was great to spend the afternoon with them.
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