It’s a safe and regulated world we live in

One thing I forgot to mention yesterday was that when we were out playing with the kids at the school field, the teacher brought out their sun lotions. Each child has their own. If a child hasn’t brought their own sun cream then they are encouraged to play in the shade, but they cannot be given another child’s sun lotion, in case of allergies. Moreover, you can’t apply the cream on the kids. You spray it on their arms and legs and they have to rub it in. Then you put some in their hands for them to do their faces. All this to avoid any possible accusation of touching a child.

I don’t know whether (once / if we have a child) I think I would feel safer about my own child(ren) being “protected” this way or just sad that if my child(ren) didn’t have their own sun cream they couldn’t play in the sun like everyone else without running the risk of getting burnt... Maybe it’s a generational thing, or a cultural thing.

Catching up with our fellow adopters

We met R&A last Friday for drinks. G&S were there as well. R&S, the third couple that make up our local adopters’ group couldn’t make it as it was all decided at very short notice. It was meant to be a quick drink round theirs, but we ended up staying nearly five hours while we caught up with everyone’s stage in the process and R&A showed us pictures and video clips of their little girl. They started introductions last week and their little girl should move in permanently this Wednesday. They told us everything they could about the linking, matching, and introductions process (some of it is obviously confidential and they can’t tell us) and they showed us the nursery they’ve managed to set up and decorate in two weeks. R&A were beaming, with smiles as wide as their faces. They are really happy and everything seems to be going really well.

One thing that almost surprises me is that we are genuinely happy for them. This may sound awful, but I feared that when one of the couples in the group was matched, the other couples would be unable to avoid feeling like “why them and not us?” But that hasn’t happened at all. Of course we’ve only been approved for just over two weeks, so if we had been waiting for several months it might be different.

Today I was back at the school where I volunteer. It was a lovely, sunny and warm afternoon so we spent the whole time outside playing catch, throwing balls, painting with water... we all had a great time. I told the teachers the news that we’ve been approved and they were worried that that would mean that I wouldn’t continue volunteering, which was nice to hear, but I intend to continue until we have a match. I really enjoy it and Glen really enjoys his Beavers work as well. Today he’s been arranging stuff to do with them for St George’s day as well as a visit to a Buddhist temple (you can’t complain about diversity, can you?).

Dinner with adopters and goodbye to one of "my" schoolchildren

Last Saturday S&J, the gay couple who live near us and we met at the New Family Social meeting in December (I mentioned them in a previous post), came over for dinner with their 6-year-old son. We had a great time and their son was very well behaved, curious, chatty, polite, and also a bit cheeky. They are a real inspiration to us and have clearly worked very hard to get to where they are with their son. They remind us that this thing we want to do is possible, which sometimes we need to be reminded about.

Today I went back to volunteering at the school after a few weeks away. The kids welcomed me as if I’d been missing for ages, and we had a great time making origami models. One of the boys is leaving the country soon and today was his last day at school, so it was a bit sad as well. It’s funny how attached I’ve got to the kids after 10 months or so. The group I see most is the top class, which means that they won’t be around for the next school year as they leave to go to “proper” school, and I will really miss them. I wish I could post a picture of them for everyone to see. Put together they look like a 90s Benetton advert, as each of them is a different colour, and they are the cutest bunch you could ever meet. If only I could get them to pronounce my name properly...

A lovely visit

Today was the day we were supposed to finalise our home study. We had an email from Miranda apologising again for the delay, and thanking us for some information updates we sent her, but still no date for our rescheduled interviews.

I went to the school today for the first time since late December (the past couple of weeks I could not take the time off) and had a great time playing with the kids. I was with the 5 year olds today and they were learning about hearing (the theme for this term is the five senses), so we played games that included recognising different sounds.

At the weekend we met up with S&J, two guys we met at the New Family Social who adopted a boy last year and live near us. They invited us round for coffee and we chatted about the adoption process and everything they went through. Their son is a very sociable chatty boy who was very happy to talk to us, show us his toys and even the book that S&J had made for him just before they were introduced. We went to their local pub for lunch and chatted some more. They must have answered a thousand questions for us. They've not had any issues at school (with the other kids or their parents) with their son having two dads, which is something that has always worried us. Their son has really settled with them now and it's a pleasure to see them together as they make a great family. After such a disappointing start to the weekend last Friday, it was great to spend the afternoon with them.

Medicals, volunteering and NFS get-together

On Friday Glen and I filled in the forms to have our medicals done. We have read about people getting a bit worried about their medicals and indeed as I filled it in I kept wondering if anything in there would not be to the liking of the medical advisor. I think it’s unlikely, but of course it’s natural to wonder. I took the forms to our surgery and it turns out that one of their secretaries is on leave and the other off sick, so who knows when they’ll actually do anything with our forms. They really need to be done by January, so let’s hope there aren’t any delays. I do think it’s a bit strange that our local authority leave the medicals until so late. On the one hand I understand they don’t want you to spend the money (£73.86 each) until they are sure that they want to take you to panel, but on the other hand it leaves little room in case of delays. I know other local authorities ask prospective adopters to get them done earlier on in the process.

Also on Friday I went to the school where we volunteer and I was asked to help out with Class 3 (where the kids are either just 3 or still 2 coming up to 3). It was great to have the opportunity to work with younger children as I am usually with the 4 or 5-year-olds. I played games and read stories to them and worked mostly with J, who has CHARGE Syndrome. His face is somewhat deformed, he can’t walk or stand that well unaided, has a hearing aid and has to wear a bib as he drools constantly. His speech is quite hard to understand, but he is so lovely and so bright. It’s misleading, because when you first see him you feel pity for him and assume (mostly because of his facial deformity) that he will not be fully developing cognitively, but he is really on the ball, and clever. I really enjoyed spending time with him, but I have to admit that I wouldn’t want to care for him 24/7. In that sense, the fact that adoptive parents can (to a certain extent) choose what physical limitations they are prepared to cope with is really an advantage, as I’m sure J’s parents did not intend to bring up a child with CHARGE Syndrome.

Yesterday we went to the New Family Social gathering. It was a bit of a Christmas do as well and the kids and parents seemed to have a good time. We caught up with some of the people we had met last time we went, people whose messages we have read online, and also the couple that we visited last month. We also met another couple of guys who have adopted, live near us, and were really nice, which was great. Once again we came out of the meeting feeling really inspired by all these people who have successfully adopted and are getting on with their lives. It’s a really welcome shot of optimism about the process.

Had a call from one of our friends whom we named as a referee. Miranda is going to visit them this afternoon! Fingers crossed that all will go well.