Miranda rang yesterday and spoke to Glen. Alas, the first thing she said was that there’s no news at all. She was ringing to ask about a gay couple who have contacted our local authority and said that we knew them. As it happens, it was the gay couple we met last week, who are having trouble with their local authority and making enquiries with other local authorities just in case.
Miranda said she’d like to visit us in two or three weeks’ time, when the work in the house is done. That way she can have a look at the loft conversion. Maybe she’ll have something to report then?
Showing posts with label social worker. Show all posts
Showing posts with label social worker. Show all posts
Saturday, 30 May 2009
Thursday, 14 May 2009
Have a little patience
I emailed Miranda and mentioned the sibling group we’d spotted in one of the adoption magazines. She agreed that they “look like a possibility” but added that they are still hoping to match us with a child from the local authority and therefore we “will have to be patient a little longer”. Of course this sent us into a frenzy of trying to second guess what she means and read between lines. Is she just saying that we need to be patient because we’re still tied to them for another two months and that's all? Or is she doing some work towards a match that she can’t tell us about yet? It’s probably the former, but we can’t help wondering whether it's the latter.
Sunday, 26 April 2009
Not booking trips
I've been considering a work trip for October and wasn’t sure whether to go ahead with the planning or not. I didn’t want to arrange the whole thing, book tickets and hotels and whatever else and then have to say to work “sorry I have spent all this money on this trip and I can’t go because I’m going on adoption leave”, but I also don’t want to let our lives (in and outside work) grind to a halt on the possibility that we may be matched. So I rang Miranda to ask if she thought it would be OK to book it. At the end of the day, both Miranda and the social worker who did our second opinion interview have told us repeatedly how because of being a gay couple we should be prepared for a longer wait once we were approved. Miranda’s response when I asked what she thought about booking the trip was “I wouldn’t do it”. She said that as long as we’re still considering two children then we may have a shorter wait, October is six months away, and she thought that left quite a gap in between for things to happen. I rang Glen and told him and we didn’t know how to take her reply. Is she planning something and not telling us? We found the possibility both exciting and scary! Of course if come October we’re still waiting I’ll be most unimpressed that I won’t going on this work trip.
On Friday we filled in the evaluation form we were given asking for feedback on the panel experience. We mentioned how nice most people had been and made a couple of suggestions of how we thought the experience of going to panel might be improved. We both reflected on how different our responses would have been if hadn’t been approved...
Glen spent Saturday on a Beavers training course. He’s going to become a Beaver leader! The current leader is leaving, and he’s been asked to take on the leadership.
On Friday we filled in the evaluation form we were given asking for feedback on the panel experience. We mentioned how nice most people had been and made a couple of suggestions of how we thought the experience of going to panel might be improved. We both reflected on how different our responses would have been if hadn’t been approved...
Glen spent Saturday on a Beavers training course. He’s going to become a Beaver leader! The current leader is leaving, and he’s been asked to take on the leadership.
Thursday, 16 April 2009
Bits and pieces
Easter was a quiet affair with some friends staying over. On Monday we met up with S&J and their son for a quick walk in a local park and ice cream. Then on Tuesday we took the day off to sort out the junk that has been gathering dust in the garage and finished clearing the loft ready for the extension work to start in a couple of weeks. We have decided that the extension won’t be for a bedroom, but for our home office. We don’t really want to be on a different floor from the other bedrooms, where the kid(s) will be, so our bedroom will remain where it is.
Miranda rang last week to ask for the dates of the loft conversion once we had them confirmed, so I emailed them to her yesterday. When she rang she mentioned that doing the conversion may mean a delay in our family finding and I wasn’t sure what she meant, so I asked her to clarify that. She replied today to explain that if our house had been a building site for a long time or the work wasn’t starting straight away, she would have had to reconsider when to start looking for a match, but since it’s starting soon and should be finished in June, it should be OK.
Yesterday R&A were introduced to their daughter-to-be. They emailed us a picture. She is a very cute little girl and we both went “aaah” when we saw her. They are clearly over the moon. We’ll be seeing them tomorrow for a quick celebratory drink before they bring her home. We are so happy for them. And it’s great to have the experience of someone you know go through the process ahead of you, as they’ll be able to tell us what it’s like when / if we get to that part.
Miranda rang last week to ask for the dates of the loft conversion once we had them confirmed, so I emailed them to her yesterday. When she rang she mentioned that doing the conversion may mean a delay in our family finding and I wasn’t sure what she meant, so I asked her to clarify that. She replied today to explain that if our house had been a building site for a long time or the work wasn’t starting straight away, she would have had to reconsider when to start looking for a match, but since it’s starting soon and should be finished in June, it should be OK.
Yesterday R&A were introduced to their daughter-to-be. They emailed us a picture. She is a very cute little girl and we both went “aaah” when we saw her. They are clearly over the moon. We’ll be seeing them tomorrow for a quick celebratory drink before they bring her home. We are so happy for them. And it’s great to have the experience of someone you know go through the process ahead of you, as they’ll be able to tell us what it’s like when / if we get to that part.
Friday, 3 April 2009
Panel day
Last night Glen was uncharacteristically nervous. He’s normally the quiet one and I am the one who gets fidgety but I was really calm. I think it was to compensate for Glen’s nerves. We sat down and read some of the stuff we’d written during the home study and then prepared the questions that Miranda had suggested we might be asked. The big question was how we might explain Glen’s relationship with his dad to a child in our care. We came up with good points to make but Glen was really uncomfortable and nervous and then he told me that he was sure that we were going to be turned down and it would be his fault. He really felt that the issue with his father was going to be the one we could not overcome and felt responsible as it was on his side of the family, so to speak. I reminded him that we could explain that he (Glen) is not responsible for his father’s actions and it was not his fault. We watched some TV and went to bed late to make sure we’d be tired and not spend half the night tossing and turning trying to go to sleep.
When we woke up we opened the curtains to find a grey foggy day. We turned on the news and heard that Madonna’s adoption attempt had failed. Was it an omen? Was today a day for failed adoption dreams? We drove 40 minutes down to the place where the local authority panel meets. On the way I read out the text messages and messages from friends and the comments left on this blog. It was really sweet to feel the support from everyone, even people we’ve never met, so thank you to those who wished us good luck, it meant a lot this morning.
We arrived at the hall where panel meets just after 11. R and A, the couple we met in preparation groups who had their matching panel today were there, waiting to hear the outcome of their panel. We said a quick hello and then we were ushered to the far side of the room to give them some privacy. We saw the panel chair approach them and could see their smiles. They came over to us as soon as the chair left and told us they’ve been matched with a 9-month little girl. They were glowing with happiness. It was really sweet to hear such good news and to see such a positive outcome for them.
Miranda arrived then and looked nervous. She said that she’d been over the paperwork again last night and was feeling confident (even though she didn’t look it). The panel chair approached us, introduced herself and explained they would first start the meeting with Miranda and then she (the chair) would come to get us. They went up to the panel room at 11.15 and we sat waiting by the drinks machine. We had another look at the notes we’d prepared last night to answer the questions and tried not to get too nervous. Glen spilled his coffee three times, although thankfully he managed to avoid spilling it all over himself.
The chair came down at 12.10 to fetch us. We made our way up the stairs and entered the room. For some reason in my head I had pictured it as some sort of courtroom, but it was just a large table with lots of people sat around it. The panel members all had a sign before them with their names and their roles. They each introduced themselves in turn. There were about 10 members (chair, medical advisor, social workers, adopters acting as independent members, a guy from CAMHS, an administrator, and an observer as well as the panel advisor from our local authority and Miranda). It felt like a huge number of people, but most of them were smiling and it didn’t feel too threatening. The chair listed what they thought our strengths were and then asked us about how we’d found the assessment process and to identify the one thing that had stood out in the learning process. We spoke of how we’d found the process less intrusive than we’d expected and how contact with birth families was probably the issue that we’d have never considered before preparation groups and now understood why it needs to happen if possible. After that she asked Glen about his working pattern, and whether he’d have to spend many nights away from home. Glen replied that he hardly ever has to be away because of his job any more as it’s changed recently and many things can be done online. The next question was about our marital status. They were a bit confused by the fact that we were married in Spain and how that “translated” under UK law. Glen replied that “the marriage means nothing”, and I had to step in to explain that what he meant was that it wasn’t recognised as a marriage under UK law but it was recognised as a civil partnership. Everyone laughed at Glen’s wording. Then we were asked if we had a preference for boys or girls. We explained that most of the parents in our support network have boys and of course we feel somewhat better prepared for boys having been boys ourselves. We added that it has been pointed out to us that gay men tend to be matched with boys. The next question was about female role models. We mentioned the names of females in our support network and also made the point that our support network will include the parents of the children that any child matched with us meets at school or other activities. Finally we were asked about other gay parents we had met and whether they had encountered any bad reactions. We talked about NFS members and in particular about S&J, whom I’ve mentioned here before, and how they hadn’t experienced any problems with other kids, their parents, or the teachers at their boy’s school. While we spoke most members were nodding and smiling and we weren’t made to feel uncomfortable at all, although one of the members looked quite stern.
After about 15 minutes of questions we were asked to wait downstairs while they discussed their decision. As soon as we got downstairs we both commented on the fact that we’d not been asked about Glen’s father at all. After all the preparation we’d made for that particular question and how much it had been stressed to us that that could be the biggest hurdle for panel! We decided that either they were so clear that they weren’t going to approve us that it wasn’t worth bothering to go down that line of questioning or Miranda really had done her job at explaining the situation.
Ten minutes after we’d left the room Miranda and the chair came down. Miranda was quite poker-faced, so I did fear the worst for a moment, but the chair said “you can smile now” and then she said how pleased she was to say that we’d been unanimously approved. We were both so relieved! She told us that because of Easter it may be a while before we get the letter of approval from the decision maker (who has to write to us within five working days) but she said that the outcome was unlikely to be any different from the panel’s recommendation given that their decision had been unanimous.
Once the chair had left, Miranda told us what they’d asked about during the time she’d been defending our case. She said that among our strong points were our support network, stable relationship, very good references, and our voluntary work. She also said that they thought that Glen’s relationship with his father and brother was something that an adopted child could relate to, as is the fact that I have mild dyslexic tendencies, and my experiences of bullying at school.
We got in the car and texted everyone. The first reply came from Glen’s mum and that made us get quite emotional. All the way home we got lots of lovely texts from friends and family. I was reading them to Glen, who was driving, and my voice kept shaking as I read them out. We stopped to get something to eat and I did a quick blog update on my mobile (the wonder of mobile technologies!).
By the time we got home it was a beautiful day and the sun was shining. The phone hasn’t stopped ringing, so it’s taken me a few hours to write this with the constant breaks to answer it. We’ve booked a table at our favourite restaurant and we’ll be having a quiet celebration just the two of us. Tomorrow we’re seeing some of our friends and we’ll have a bigger celebration. We are absolutely delighted and physically and emotionally drained. This has been a day we’ll never forget.
When we woke up we opened the curtains to find a grey foggy day. We turned on the news and heard that Madonna’s adoption attempt had failed. Was it an omen? Was today a day for failed adoption dreams? We drove 40 minutes down to the place where the local authority panel meets. On the way I read out the text messages and messages from friends and the comments left on this blog. It was really sweet to feel the support from everyone, even people we’ve never met, so thank you to those who wished us good luck, it meant a lot this morning.
We arrived at the hall where panel meets just after 11. R and A, the couple we met in preparation groups who had their matching panel today were there, waiting to hear the outcome of their panel. We said a quick hello and then we were ushered to the far side of the room to give them some privacy. We saw the panel chair approach them and could see their smiles. They came over to us as soon as the chair left and told us they’ve been matched with a 9-month little girl. They were glowing with happiness. It was really sweet to hear such good news and to see such a positive outcome for them.
Miranda arrived then and looked nervous. She said that she’d been over the paperwork again last night and was feeling confident (even though she didn’t look it). The panel chair approached us, introduced herself and explained they would first start the meeting with Miranda and then she (the chair) would come to get us. They went up to the panel room at 11.15 and we sat waiting by the drinks machine. We had another look at the notes we’d prepared last night to answer the questions and tried not to get too nervous. Glen spilled his coffee three times, although thankfully he managed to avoid spilling it all over himself.
The chair came down at 12.10 to fetch us. We made our way up the stairs and entered the room. For some reason in my head I had pictured it as some sort of courtroom, but it was just a large table with lots of people sat around it. The panel members all had a sign before them with their names and their roles. They each introduced themselves in turn. There were about 10 members (chair, medical advisor, social workers, adopters acting as independent members, a guy from CAMHS, an administrator, and an observer as well as the panel advisor from our local authority and Miranda). It felt like a huge number of people, but most of them were smiling and it didn’t feel too threatening. The chair listed what they thought our strengths were and then asked us about how we’d found the assessment process and to identify the one thing that had stood out in the learning process. We spoke of how we’d found the process less intrusive than we’d expected and how contact with birth families was probably the issue that we’d have never considered before preparation groups and now understood why it needs to happen if possible. After that she asked Glen about his working pattern, and whether he’d have to spend many nights away from home. Glen replied that he hardly ever has to be away because of his job any more as it’s changed recently and many things can be done online. The next question was about our marital status. They were a bit confused by the fact that we were married in Spain and how that “translated” under UK law. Glen replied that “the marriage means nothing”, and I had to step in to explain that what he meant was that it wasn’t recognised as a marriage under UK law but it was recognised as a civil partnership. Everyone laughed at Glen’s wording. Then we were asked if we had a preference for boys or girls. We explained that most of the parents in our support network have boys and of course we feel somewhat better prepared for boys having been boys ourselves. We added that it has been pointed out to us that gay men tend to be matched with boys. The next question was about female role models. We mentioned the names of females in our support network and also made the point that our support network will include the parents of the children that any child matched with us meets at school or other activities. Finally we were asked about other gay parents we had met and whether they had encountered any bad reactions. We talked about NFS members and in particular about S&J, whom I’ve mentioned here before, and how they hadn’t experienced any problems with other kids, their parents, or the teachers at their boy’s school. While we spoke most members were nodding and smiling and we weren’t made to feel uncomfortable at all, although one of the members looked quite stern.
After about 15 minutes of questions we were asked to wait downstairs while they discussed their decision. As soon as we got downstairs we both commented on the fact that we’d not been asked about Glen’s father at all. After all the preparation we’d made for that particular question and how much it had been stressed to us that that could be the biggest hurdle for panel! We decided that either they were so clear that they weren’t going to approve us that it wasn’t worth bothering to go down that line of questioning or Miranda really had done her job at explaining the situation.
Ten minutes after we’d left the room Miranda and the chair came down. Miranda was quite poker-faced, so I did fear the worst for a moment, but the chair said “you can smile now” and then she said how pleased she was to say that we’d been unanimously approved. We were both so relieved! She told us that because of Easter it may be a while before we get the letter of approval from the decision maker (who has to write to us within five working days) but she said that the outcome was unlikely to be any different from the panel’s recommendation given that their decision had been unanimous.
Once the chair had left, Miranda told us what they’d asked about during the time she’d been defending our case. She said that among our strong points were our support network, stable relationship, very good references, and our voluntary work. She also said that they thought that Glen’s relationship with his father and brother was something that an adopted child could relate to, as is the fact that I have mild dyslexic tendencies, and my experiences of bullying at school.
We got in the car and texted everyone. The first reply came from Glen’s mum and that made us get quite emotional. All the way home we got lots of lovely texts from friends and family. I was reading them to Glen, who was driving, and my voice kept shaking as I read them out. We stopped to get something to eat and I did a quick blog update on my mobile (the wonder of mobile technologies!).
By the time we got home it was a beautiful day and the sun was shining. The phone hasn’t stopped ringing, so it’s taken me a few hours to write this with the constant breaks to answer it. We’ve booked a table at our favourite restaurant and we’ll be having a quiet celebration just the two of us. Tomorrow we’re seeing some of our friends and we’ll have a bigger celebration. We are absolutely delighted and physically and emotionally drained. This has been a day we’ll never forget.
Tuesday, 31 March 2009
Panel information and advice
Today we received a letter from our LA with the information about the panel members. We also had a phonecall from Miranda, who is back at work. Apparently she’ll be using a crutch for a few days (because of her knee operation) so I told her she should bring it on Friday to see if the panel take pity on her and approve us just because she’s currently “disabled”. I was joking, for the record. I mentioned that we were a little concerned when we read that the panel chair works for a Catholic adoption agency, as we fear that she may not be too keen on adoption by gay men, but Miranda says that she’s worked with her before and she thinks it won’t be an issue. She had some advice to help us for Friday and gave us a couple of questions that she thinks we may get asked and suggested we read some of the information we sent her so that it’s fresh in our minds, especially the statement Glen sent her regarding his relationship with his father. She also suggested that on Friday I let Glen answer questions first, otherwise he won’t get a word in edgeways! The cheek! ; ) She’s right of course.
Glen is feeling much better today after his visit to the dentist yesterday, so at least there’s no danger that he won’t be able to speak on Friday. It’s our anniversary today. We’ve been together for 13 years. We’re not really in the mood to celebrate anything until we know the outcome of Friday’s panel and last year we decided to celebrate our wedding anniversary (which is in May) instead, so we’re not doing anything special.
Glen is feeling much better today after his visit to the dentist yesterday, so at least there’s no danger that he won’t be able to speak on Friday. It’s our anniversary today. We’ve been together for 13 years. We’re not really in the mood to celebrate anything until we know the outcome of Friday’s panel and last year we decided to celebrate our wedding anniversary (which is in May) instead, so we’re not doing anything special.
Friday, 27 March 2009
One week to go
We finally caught up with our friends whom Miranda chose to visit at the last minute. They were asked pretty much the same sort of questions as the rest of our referees (how long they’ve known us, what they thought when we told them we wanted to adopt, how we interact with their children, they feel about their children mixing with adopted children...). They said she was really nice and talked about us in a very positive way, so that was a relief.
I also had a very nice email from a friend who came over to visit us recently. We hadn’t seen them in a while and hadn’t got round to telling them about our adoption plans, so we told them when they came for lunch with their 2 year-old. She emailed to say how pleased they were for us and told me that, before we actually told them, her husband had asked her if she knew whether we had any plans to adopt. Apparently he thought we were very good with their son! I know it’s silly, but it’s nice that people think that we’d make good parents. If only they were part of the panel!
Speaking of panel, we still haven’t received the letter we were supposed to get confirming the date and giving us the actual time, directions etc. And there’s only one week to go! So I rang our local authority this morning and they’ve given us the time over the phone and told us that the letter should arrive early next week. Apparently your social worker normally phones you to let you know the time, but of course as Miranda is on sick leave at the moment nobody did. She was expecting to go back to work on Monday but they told me today it may be a little longer. As long as she’s there next Friday for our panel!
I also had a very nice email from a friend who came over to visit us recently. We hadn’t seen them in a while and hadn’t got round to telling them about our adoption plans, so we told them when they came for lunch with their 2 year-old. She emailed to say how pleased they were for us and told me that, before we actually told them, her husband had asked her if she knew whether we had any plans to adopt. Apparently he thought we were very good with their son! I know it’s silly, but it’s nice that people think that we’d make good parents. If only they were part of the panel!
Speaking of panel, we still haven’t received the letter we were supposed to get confirming the date and giving us the actual time, directions etc. And there’s only one week to go! So I rang our local authority this morning and they’ve given us the time over the phone and told us that the letter should arrive early next week. Apparently your social worker normally phones you to let you know the time, but of course as Miranda is on sick leave at the moment nobody did. She was expecting to go back to work on Monday but they told me today it may be a little longer. As long as she’s there next Friday for our panel!
Friday, 20 March 2009
Back from holiday
We’re back from our holiday. We had a lovely time off and managed to relax and switch off for a whole two weeks, which doesn’t happen often! Well, we did talk about the adoption a few times, and even wondered if this may have been our last holiday on our own for many years to come.
We were supposed to receive the report from the second opinion interview before we left but it never arrived on time, so we had to find an internet cafe while we were away, which we eventually did 4 days into our holiday. The report was quite positive overall, although once again it mentioned Glen’s relationship with his dad. We just don’t know any more if this will turn out to be nothing at all or our stumbling block, but as there is nothing more we can do about it, we’ll just have to wait and see. If there are any questions about it at panel we will try to explain as best as we can.
I mentioned before we went away that Miranda had decided to do one more reference interview with a friend of ours. She realised that all the interviews she’d done were with people who do not live in the same place as we do, so she arranged this one with a friend who lives really close by. I had a text from our friend while we were away saying that the interview went well, but I haven’t had a chance to talk to her yet.
We also had an email from Miranda to say that she is having the operation she’d delayed so she could complete our report, so she is actually on sick leave right now and won’t be back to work until 3 days before panel. Hopefully all will be well, she’ll recover in time, and there won’t be any further delays to our panel date!
We were supposed to receive the report from the second opinion interview before we left but it never arrived on time, so we had to find an internet cafe while we were away, which we eventually did 4 days into our holiday. The report was quite positive overall, although once again it mentioned Glen’s relationship with his dad. We just don’t know any more if this will turn out to be nothing at all or our stumbling block, but as there is nothing more we can do about it, we’ll just have to wait and see. If there are any questions about it at panel we will try to explain as best as we can.
I mentioned before we went away that Miranda had decided to do one more reference interview with a friend of ours. She realised that all the interviews she’d done were with people who do not live in the same place as we do, so she arranged this one with a friend who lives really close by. I had a text from our friend while we were away saying that the interview went well, but I haven’t had a chance to talk to her yet.
We also had an email from Miranda to say that she is having the operation she’d delayed so she could complete our report, so she is actually on sick leave right now and won’t be back to work until 3 days before panel. Hopefully all will be well, she’ll recover in time, and there won’t be any further delays to our panel date!
Tuesday, 3 March 2009
Second opinion interview
Miranda and the second opinion social worker came over and did the second opinion interview. This other social worker was actually one of the two who did our initial interview back in January last year, but we hadn’t seen her since then. She was funny, warm, positive, caring and very clear. She asked us some questions starting with Glen’s relationship with his father, which we had to explain for the umpteenth time, and then asked about the number and gender of children we are hoping for. She talked about the uncertainties that surround many of the children in the care system. We also discussed prejudices, the process in general, and contact. They were the kinds of questions that she expects panel may ask us. Both she and Miranda seem quite positive about us being approved, but she said that if we do get approved then we should get ready for a long wait given that in social workers’ minds gay couples are near the bottom of the pecking order after heterosexual couples and single women.
The interview lasted just over an hour and a quarter and after they had gone we felt completely exhausted and unsure about how to feel about the end of the assessment process. It feels like it’s suddenly all very real and for the first time we’re allowing ourselves to believe that we may actually get approved. I think we’ve been refusing to get our hopes up expecting a hurdle that we wouldn’t be able to overcome. And now the assessment process is over and all that’s left is to see whether panel agree with the local authority assessment.
It’s a month until we go to panel and the work is done, so all we can do is wait. In the meantime we’re going on holiday for two weeks, so I don’t think there’ll be any updates in that time. We’re completely exhausted and really looking forward to going away. When we were planning it we kept thinking this may be our last major holiday before we adopt, but given the comment we heard today about getting ready to wait a long time, it may not be so. In any case we’re going to switch off from the whole process and enjoy our time off together.
The interview lasted just over an hour and a quarter and after they had gone we felt completely exhausted and unsure about how to feel about the end of the assessment process. It feels like it’s suddenly all very real and for the first time we’re allowing ourselves to believe that we may actually get approved. I think we’ve been refusing to get our hopes up expecting a hurdle that we wouldn’t be able to overcome. And now the assessment process is over and all that’s left is to see whether panel agree with the local authority assessment.
It’s a month until we go to panel and the work is done, so all we can do is wait. In the meantime we’re going on holiday for two weeks, so I don’t think there’ll be any updates in that time. We’re completely exhausted and really looking forward to going away. When we were planning it we kept thinking this may be our last major holiday before we adopt, but given the comment we heard today about getting ready to wait a long time, it may not be so. In any case we’re going to switch off from the whole process and enjoy our time off together.
Monday, 23 February 2009
The final interview (really final this time)
Miranda came just before 4 and she was here for 3 hours. She had some “leftover” questions for the prospective adopters’ report and also some questions that the panel advisor at our local authority had asked. Some of these were once again about Glen’s father and about how we would address any bullying that our child(ren) may experience because of having gay parents. After answering all the questions she did a little exercise of asking us to write on separate pieces of paper how we imagined a moment on any given day after having adopted. How many children, ages, sex, type of activity we’d be doing... Our answers were quite similar, so I guess that’s good. Then she gave us a copy of the report each and we sat there reading it under her watchful eye. This was a bit unnerving as it felt like a timed reading comprehension exercise! We only had small comments to make regarding spellings and dates, and some phrasing. The second opinion interview has had to be moved to next Monday because it turns out that the social worker who will be doing it is not available on Wednesday after all. Miranda will send the full report once she has input the answers to all the questions we answered today and we will get a chance to read it all again and add our comments. She is hoping to do this by Friday at the latest. Then all that will be left will be to read the second opinion report, which the second social worker will send the day after she visits us.
We were completely exhausted by the time she left. But Miranda has written what we both feel is an accurate and positive report and we were happy with it. And she’s postponed the date for an operation because she didn’t want to be responsible for us having to delay panel date again! This surprised us and it’s incredibly nice of her. While she’s still not the warmest of people, I do think that she has got to know us quite well in the last few months and is clearly on our side, so hopefully she will convey that to the panel and get us approved.
We were completely exhausted by the time she left. But Miranda has written what we both feel is an accurate and positive report and we were happy with it. And she’s postponed the date for an operation because she didn’t want to be responsible for us having to delay panel date again! This surprised us and it’s incredibly nice of her. While she’s still not the warmest of people, I do think that she has got to know us quite well in the last few months and is clearly on our side, so hopefully she will convey that to the panel and get us approved.
Sunday, 22 February 2009
Another referee interview and no report yet
One of the people we put down as a referee got a call from Miranda on Thursday evening to arrange an interview. We are quite surprised by this as all the other referee interviews were done in early December, so we don’t know whether Miranda just forgot to do this one, or whilst putting the report together she has decided that she needs more evidence of support. We can’t decide whether this is a good thing (she is being very thorough and covering all bases) or not-so-good (she thinks we may fail panel and is doing some last-minute salvaging).
We had hoped that we’d get to see the report before we have our final interview with Miranda, but nothing arrived in the post yesterday, so we’re guessing it won’t happen and we’ll have to read it in front of her.
Yesterday we spent the whole day with two good friends of ours and their two boys. We played with the kids and had a great time, and just before we left the kids spontaneously came over, said “thank you for coming to visit us and playing with us”, and gave us a kiss. They are so sweet.
We had hoped that we’d get to see the report before we have our final interview with Miranda, but nothing arrived in the post yesterday, so we’re guessing it won’t happen and we’ll have to read it in front of her.
Yesterday we spent the whole day with two good friends of ours and their two boys. We played with the kids and had a great time, and just before we left the kids spontaneously came over, said “thank you for coming to visit us and playing with us”, and gave us a kiss. They are so sweet.
Friday, 20 February 2009
Final interview dates
I’ve been back in the UK for a week, but we took a few days off straight after I got back from Spain and I’ve not been on my PC for five whole days. It was nice to be off together, even if it was in the UK and in cold weather. There were kids off on half-term everywhere, and all of the places we visited had activities for kids, which made us realise that we could have done pretty much the same stuff we’ve done if we had kids with us.
Speaking of doing things with kids, Glen went to the local fire station with the Beavers last week. Yes, I asked and no, there were no cute firemen in uniform.
Miranda rang once more to ask Glen some questions about his family tree and we’ve now got dates for our final interview with her to go through her report: Monday afternoon! She was hoping to post it so we could read it beforehand, but if not we will have to read it and comment on the spot, which I’m not so keen on as I’d prefer to have time to digest the report. It may arrive tomorrow or Monday Morning, but based on past performance we’re thinking it won’t. Then on Wednesday we will have our second opinion interview with another social worker from the local authority. And then... that’ll be it! Panel next. It’s very exciting.
Speaking of doing things with kids, Glen went to the local fire station with the Beavers last week. Yes, I asked and no, there were no cute firemen in uniform.
Miranda rang once more to ask Glen some questions about his family tree and we’ve now got dates for our final interview with her to go through her report: Monday afternoon! She was hoping to post it so we could read it beforehand, but if not we will have to read it and comment on the spot, which I’m not so keen on as I’d prefer to have time to digest the report. It may arrive tomorrow or Monday Morning, but based on past performance we’re thinking it won’t. Then on Wednesday we will have our second opinion interview with another social worker from the local authority. And then... that’ll be it! Panel next. It’s very exciting.
Tuesday, 10 February 2009
How Spanish is our household and my Spanish CRB check
We sent the replies to Miranda’s questions last Friday. She was happy with those but later rang and asked a couple more questions. In her defence she warned us from the beginning that because it’s the first time that she fills in this new form that replaced Form F1, she may have lots of little bits to ask as she goes through the form. We’re not complaining as it means she’s obviously been catching up with our report, which is great.
The questions this time were about how Spanish our household is. We told her that we don’t speak Spanish in the house (well obviously I speak Spanish, but we don’t speak it among ourselves. Glen has done a few courses and gets by OK, but is not fluent), but we do have some traditions such as celebrating Epiphany and my saint’s day (Saint Fernando is on May 30th but there is no Saint Glen – although he claims that he IS Saint Glen for putting up with me but that’s another story). We also mentioned that we cook Spanish food often and I sometimes watch Spanish TV on Sky and listen to Spanish music. Now, I’m not sure if this means that we get “bonus points” if there are any Spanish children to be matched out there, or that we are excluded from any children that do not match our origins (I was going to write “ethnic origin” but it seems a bit silly considering that I am European white, just like any Brit - in fact Glen looks more Mediterranean than I do!). I sincerely hope that our varied background opens doors rather than close them.
Anyway, I’m back in Spain for a few days and yesterday I managed to sort out my Spanish Criminal Record. Glad to report it’s all clear. It was surprisingly painless. Well, painless in the context of Spanish bureaucracy anyway: it did involve queuing to get the form, filling it in, going to a bank to pay €3.47 as they cannot accept any payments at the office, getting the form stamped to prove that I had indeed paid my €3.47, going back, queuing again and getting the form stamped and signed by someone else. Like I say, quite straightforward for Spanish bureaucracy, it only took a morning and that’s good.
The good thing about being in Spain is that I get to see my family, including my nephew and nieces, so I’ve been spending some time with them. Tomorrow I’m babysitting my nephew, so that’ll be fun.
The questions this time were about how Spanish our household is. We told her that we don’t speak Spanish in the house (well obviously I speak Spanish, but we don’t speak it among ourselves. Glen has done a few courses and gets by OK, but is not fluent), but we do have some traditions such as celebrating Epiphany and my saint’s day (Saint Fernando is on May 30th but there is no Saint Glen – although he claims that he IS Saint Glen for putting up with me but that’s another story). We also mentioned that we cook Spanish food often and I sometimes watch Spanish TV on Sky and listen to Spanish music. Now, I’m not sure if this means that we get “bonus points” if there are any Spanish children to be matched out there, or that we are excluded from any children that do not match our origins (I was going to write “ethnic origin” but it seems a bit silly considering that I am European white, just like any Brit - in fact Glen looks more Mediterranean than I do!). I sincerely hope that our varied background opens doors rather than close them.
Anyway, I’m back in Spain for a few days and yesterday I managed to sort out my Spanish Criminal Record. Glad to report it’s all clear. It was surprisingly painless. Well, painless in the context of Spanish bureaucracy anyway: it did involve queuing to get the form, filling it in, going to a bank to pay €3.47 as they cannot accept any payments at the office, getting the form stamped to prove that I had indeed paid my €3.47, going back, queuing again and getting the form stamped and signed by someone else. Like I say, quite straightforward for Spanish bureaucracy, it only took a morning and that’s good.
The good thing about being in Spain is that I get to see my family, including my nephew and nieces, so I’ve been spending some time with them. Tomorrow I’m babysitting my nephew, so that’ll be fun.
Thursday, 5 February 2009
Progress
Miranda rang yesterday. It turns out that she needs a Spanish CRB check for me, which she hadn’t mentioned until now. Considering that a few weeks ago we were supposed to be going to panel tomorrow, it seems quite an oversight, but maybe they don’t assess that many foreigners at our local authority. She gave me some instructions that she’s looked up on the Criminal Bureau Records website, and I’ve been in touch with the Spanish consulate to find out more. As it happens I will be in Spain next week, so I hope to be able to get it while I’m there. Also, their medical adviser has returned our medical reports and they are fine. Well, fine-ish. There aren’t any major issues, but Glen’s body mass index is over 30, so they have suggested that he loses some weight. Glen is not impressed, but has promised to do something about it.
Miranda also said that she had some more questions for us, but given the weather conditions she would just email them over rather than come over. They deal once again with Glen’s mum and dad, and there are some follow-up questions on the personalities of the children we might want to be matched with. She also asks about whether we’ve even been bullied because of our sexuality, and how we would deal with any bullying that a child matched with us might suffer because of having gay dads. I wonder if the latter has been prompted by recent media coverage of gay adoption...
In any case, we have set up a meeting in just under three weeks to discuss our home study report (so we assume we’ll receive it before then). It looks like things are moving on again!
Miranda also said that she had some more questions for us, but given the weather conditions she would just email them over rather than come over. They deal once again with Glen’s mum and dad, and there are some follow-up questions on the personalities of the children we might want to be matched with. She also asks about whether we’ve even been bullied because of our sexuality, and how we would deal with any bullying that a child matched with us might suffer because of having gay dads. I wonder if the latter has been prompted by recent media coverage of gay adoption...
In any case, we have set up a meeting in just under three weeks to discuss our home study report (so we assume we’ll receive it before then). It looks like things are moving on again!
Saturday, 17 January 2009
Delayed panel date
Yesterday was the deadline for Miranda to get our home study report to us and to the other social worker who will be doing the second opinion interview. She rang me at work at lunchtime to tell me that she hadn’t finished it partly because of a problem with her PC and the report template. She’s also been really busy with an assignment for a course she is taking. This means that they won’t be coming on Monday to finalise the home study and we won’t be going to panel in February. She apologised three times and once again offered to go to panel without us in March, but we really think that we should be there, so that means that we’re now looking at April.
In a way it is good that the report won’t be rushed. In fact Miranda said that another reason she thought it best to take time with the report was the fact that she still thinks there is an issue with Glen’s father (again!) and she wants to make sure she is happy with how that is explained in the report.
Glen is not surprised as he never thought that everything would get done on time, but I had actually got my hopes up. It was nice to think that we could get the approval process out of the way and start the family finding, especially knowing that it will take months - if not years – to be matched (if at all). So while we realise that in the big scheme of things in this process this is not a huge setback, we are really disappointed.
In a way it is good that the report won’t be rushed. In fact Miranda said that another reason she thought it best to take time with the report was the fact that she still thinks there is an issue with Glen’s father (again!) and she wants to make sure she is happy with how that is explained in the report.
Glen is not surprised as he never thought that everything would get done on time, but I had actually got my hopes up. It was nice to think that we could get the approval process out of the way and start the family finding, especially knowing that it will take months - if not years – to be matched (if at all). So while we realise that in the big scheme of things in this process this is not a huge setback, we are really disappointed.
Friday, 9 January 2009
A date for the second opinion interview
Miranda rang earlier today. She and her colleague, who will be doing the second opinion interview, will come on the 19th. The plan is for Miranda to send us our home study report next Friday so we can read it over the weekend and feed back to her when they come to do the second opinion visit on Monday. Her colleague will then write her report on Monday evening or Tuesday morning so that it’s all ready. One possible delay could be that once the report is finished and before it goes to the panel members it has to be read by Miranda’s supervisor. If she has any requests for major changes or wants further evidence of anything then it probably won’t be done in time for us to go to panel in February. It all feels a bit rushed and we hope that doesn’t have a negative effect on the outcome, but after so many months it’s very exciting that the home study is finally coming to an end and we could be going to panel in a month’s time!
Wednesday, 7 January 2009
Panel delay?
Miranda emailed me on Monday evening to request that I send her again one of our documents, which she couldn’t find. I sent it to her yesterday with a little reminder that we were supposed to finalise the home study this week with the second opinion visit by another of the social workers from the local authority. We had told her that this could not be done next week as Glen will be away on a work trip. She rang me a bit later to tell me that she had planned to have our report ready next week and arrange the second opinion visit for then as well as she had forgotten that Glen was away. The deadline to submit the documentation so that it’s on time for February panel is next Friday so unless something changes it looks like we may miss it. Miranda knows we can’t make the next available date as we are not available during the day in March when the panel meets so she’s going to find out whether it is possible to delay things slightly so we can still get in. She mentioned that she could always go to panel without us in March. I said that we’d prefer to be there and go in April if we have to rather than not be there. It’s important to us to be able to make our case or answer any questions that may arise, and for panel to see us to avoid any preconceptions they may have about us. So either she rushes the paperwork, which isn’t great, or we have to wait a further two months, which we’d rather not.
Wednesday, 10 December 2008
Referee interviews
Miranda’s been interviewing our referees this week. On Monday she went to see one of my oldest friends in this country and today she visited both Glen’s mum and his oldest friend. They were all told that anything they said would be confidential and not to share with us the conversations they had with her, so of course the first thing they all did was to ring us. The interviews lasted about 1 hour each and they were asked about how they met us, how long ago (well, Glen’s mum didn’t get asked this), what they think about our plans to adopt, whether they support us, if they think that we are sufficiently prepared... the sort of things they were expecting to be asked. They all reported that they thought the interviews went well. Let’s hope Miranda has the same impression! Apparently she was very nice to all of them. She’s come to us for eight visits in total now (1 individual each and six joint ones) and I must say that she was really nice to us during the last two visits. She seems a lot more relaxed and even laughed at a couple of comments and looked through our wedding photo album. We think she was putting on this cold, detached stance and she’s now dropped it somewhat, which we want to read like she feels more positive that this is going to go ahead. Or maybe that’s just wishful thinking.
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